I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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