god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
