I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
