just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
