Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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