U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
