I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
