this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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