It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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