i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
