dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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