can u get pink eye on your cock?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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