i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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