Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
