I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and she was petting her beer can
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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