Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
