We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
