Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
