I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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