i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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