Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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