I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
