I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
