At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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