I love having hate sex.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
