So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
