Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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