Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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