I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
