if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were destined to go to rehab together
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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