he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
