I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
