did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
