There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
