i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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