I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
