I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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