I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
