I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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