I wannas sexs uuuuu
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
