when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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