do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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