Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
