erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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