Cold hands, warm shart.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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