Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just invented taco cereal.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
