At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
