Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His nipple licking is glorious
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
