I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
His nipple licking is glorious
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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