I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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