I love black thongs
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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