I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
