Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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