I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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