New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
