It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
