JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
