let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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