I wish I could teleport
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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