I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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